Anxious...must be the time of year

When I was in college biology, I remember having a fondness for learning neurology and how chemicals pass information from dendrite to dendrite, axon to axon, relaying information throughout the body. Now, I never enjoyed chemistry, but for some reason studying the movement of nerves for fight and flight always fascinated me. Have a hot burner. Touch it. You will remove your hand because the nerves will send chemical reactions to the brain quickly ordering you to remove your hand fast.  It's biology and chemistry. I love that.

That's probably why I wonder why I often live in a fight or flight state of being where my nerves can move on me quickly, causing me to sweat as if I just finished a half marathon and pushing the hairs on my neck to stand on edge. I suppose some people medicate for this, but for me the panic is triggered at the oddest times. It's the end of the semester and I have to finish grading. I am aware that events are coming up that I must attend to and that summer classes and institutes will be here before I know it. I also have to figure out the hiring and placement of teachers for the summer work. This had me somewhat nervy today. Students, in a last minute panic about final papers, came by to read me what they had and I have an office that is in need of major cleaning. The day is gorgeous and I'm dreaming of a get-away to a beach somewhere - not the sit-on-my-arse position required of getting the grading done.

So, I'm finding company in my nerves and thankful, if only briefly, for sleep and the five mile walk I've been taking daily. The vericose veins on my leg have me nervous, too. Why? The human body is more complicated than I can control. I want to be 23 again. Ah, 23. I was so much more relaxed.